Guilt Trip

It was an irresistible offer.

My friend Kathy's husband had given her a gift certificate for a few nights at a local hotel to use as she pleased. Stressed and in need of a recharge, she decided to flee the homefront and use one of her “get out of the house free” cards. She graciously asked me to come along.

A spontaneous “girls only” overnight getaway? I hadn’t done anything spontaneous since the birth of my children – THIRTEEN years ago.

Kathy: I know it’s short notice. You probably wouldn’t be able to go, right? Would you?

Me: You mean tonight? As in, five hours from now?

Kathy: Yeah. What do you have to do? How can you make this happen?

I mentally ticked through all the things I would have to do to prepare for my “spontaneous” getaway.

Deep sigh.

But I badly needed the respite. Besides, since we are both writers, we reasoned that we could brainstorm and help each other on some writing projects.

Me: Okay, okay, I’ll do it! Just let me clear it with Mike.

I made lunches for the next day, cooked dinner and put it in the fridge, ironed Mike’s work shirt, caught up on laundry, tidied the house and took care of all the other miscellaneous things that needed to be done for the next day.

Then I packed my bags and left my family behind. And despite the fact that I left them well cared for, I couldn’t shake a nagging sense of guilt.

My mind began to race: Will Mike be able to get Micah to school on time?... I sort of threw that dinner together... Molly might need help on her homework – will Mike remember to check that? I shouldn’t be doing this …

When I reached the hotel room, Kathy had posted a sign on the door: “Wacky Mothers’ First Annual Writing Retreat.”

There was no denying the pressures of family life had left us both feeling decidedly “wackadoodle.”

I opened the door and immediately felt more relaxed. Mostly because I saw beds that I didn’t have to make, carpet I didn’t have to vacuum and a refrigerator I didn’t have to clean. Woo Hoo!

After a gourmet meal in the tranquil hotel restaurant, I gradually felt the guilt slipping away. We needed this. It was not a selfish indulgence, but a necessary investment. Taking the time to invest in ourselves and our wellbeing always reaps dividends for our families.

If you're like me, guilt is most likely a frequent visitor. It’s always lurking -- ready to try and convict you of any myriad of perceived shortcomings that you believe have negatively impacted your children.

I found the Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of guilt enlightening: “Feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy: morbid self-reproach often manifest in marked preoccupation with the moral correctness of one's behavior.”

“Imagined offenses” … much of what we feel guilty for are things we conjure up in our own minds! And when the “morbid” preoccupation centers on ourselves and our perceived inadequacies, how does this help our children?

I’m certainly not suggesting that regular self-examination of our motives and behavior isn’t healthy or necessary. But I believe the enemy wants us to stay in the prison of continual condemnation.

God, however, wants to bring us freedom. He wants us to walk in grace. We are going to make mistakes, wound our children, get angry, impatient, critical. But His mercies are new every morning. And love covers a multitude of sins.

When God brings unhealthy behaviors and attitudes to our attention, it is never to condemn, but to instruct. Look at its definition: “To provide with knowledge, especially in a methodical way.”

Just as we instruct our children for their good, God lovingly disciplines and instructs us for ours.

Leave the condemnation behind and enjoy the trip.